Universal Studios and Frontier Developments (the developer behind games like Planet Coaster) have unleashed the trailer for Jurassic World Evolution, which will let you live our all your most catastrophic Jurassic Park ideas in the safety of a simulation.

“Players will build their own Jurassic World,” said Frontier COO Jonny Watts in a statement, “as they bioengineer new dinosaur breeds and construct attractions, containment and research facilities. Every choice leads to a different path and spectacular challenges arise when ‘life finds a way.'”

Honestly, this is a pretty genius idea. Half the fun of simulation games is watching things go catastrophically, unavoidably wrong, and the original Jurassic Park film was basically one of my middle-school Roller Coaster Tycoon games brought to life. With its massive monsters, crowd control, and potential to collapse in chaos, this franchise is the perfect subject for a theme park simulation game.

“As long-time fans of the entire Jurassic series we’re thrilled to be putting players in charge of their own Jurassic World,” said Watts. “We’re excited to bring over fifteen years of management, simulation, and creature development expertise to a destination and franchise that remains an inspiration to us.”

Jurassic World Evolution is expected to land in summer 2018, around the same time that Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom arrives in theaters, and it will be available for PlayStation 4, Windows, and Xbox One.

(Via Polygon; image via screengrab)

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It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for! We’ve known for some time now that Jeff Goldblum would be back as bad-boy celebrity mathematician (totally a thing) Ian Malcolm for the Jurassic World sequel, but seeing that glorious return with your own eyes is a whole other thing. Allow me to direct your attention this way.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom has been ramping up its marketing efforts recently on the way to a full trailer (coming tomorrow), because that’s just how things work now, and the latest behind-the-scenes featurette brings a lot of talk about very real (but still fake) dinosaurs that they used on set along with a very real Jeff Goldblum.

It’s yet another reminder of the importance of the original Jurassic Park in the world of visual effects, as well as an encouraging hint that Fallen Kingdom will indeed make use of plenty of animatronics, as a tweet by Chris Pratt had everyone guessing before Thanksgiving. But we know what you’re really here for, so take a look:

The above image comes from right around the 1:25 mark in the video, with Goldblum saying, “Here I am talking about dinosaurs again?” (I mean, it sounds like a rueful rhetorical question, anyway.) I’m honestly not sure if the line is Goldblum’s or Malcolm’s, but it appears that his character has again been called on to give his expert mathematical opinion on the virtues of a park full of ferocious prehistoric monsters.

I have to imagine that Malcolm objects to the movie’s save-the-very-dinosaurs-that-tend-to-repeatedly-eat-everyone-from-an-erupting-volcano plot on more personal grounds than “that sounds like movie plot Mad Libs,” after the run-ins he had with dinosaurs in the franchise’s first two installments. His probable testimony about the planned dinosaur rescue mission, in a nutshell:

Anyway, we’ll find out more when the trailer drops tomorrow, and my fingers are crossed for another dose of Goldblum.

*Heavy breathing.*

(via io9, images: Universal Pictures)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Funko has announced a new collection to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the original Jurassic Park film. As they posted on their blog, “This series of Pop! features paleontologist Dr. Grant, Jurassic Park CEO John Hammond, mathematician Dr. Malcolm, and embryo-smuggler Dennis Nedry! [And] We couldn’t forget the Jurassic Park dinosaurs! Featured in this line are the great T.rex, Velociraptor, and Dilophsaurus!”

Did you notice who they could forget, though? The female protagonist! I mean, we legit get TWO Nedrys before even one Dr. Ellie Sattler (played by Laura Dern). Okay, Funko.

Here’s a closer look at our Jurassic Park Pop!s coming this February! pic.twitter.com/Jm7zkdPYLk

— Funko (@OriginalFunko) January 20, 2018

However, a Dr. Sattler figure is on the way. At the very bottom of the blog post, the text “Dr. Ellie Sattler in Pop! Rides coming soon!” appears. Alicia Lutes from Nerdist rightly asked Funko where Dr. Sattler was on Twitter, and Funko said they “are making” one and will have more info “very soon.”

We are making a Laura Dern Pop! We’ll have more information on that very soon.

— Funko (@OriginalFunko) January 19, 2018

I’m pumped that Dr. Sattler will eventually be included in the collection, but releasing her in the second batch is pretty weird considering she’s one of the protagonists. Why are female characters, regardless of their prominence in the actual film, so often considered second-tier releases? The “Oh, and I guess here are the ladies” expansion pack is tiring. It suggests that even when women are literally the stars and heroes of a film, they still don’t really count as characters the audience can relate to or look up to. They’re still the window dressing.

I know that Funko often emphasizes the most memorable or meme-able characters, rather than necessarily those with the most screen-time or biggest role in the plot. But have they really not seen how many times someone uses Sattler’s “Woman inherits the Earth” line as a GIF? I mean, you can buy this line on a T-shirt for heaven’s sake.

We’ve seen this issue before with a number of properties. Gamora was missing from Guardians of the Galaxy merchandise. Black Widow was missing from Avengers merchandise. Rey, despite being the main character of not only The Force Awakens but the whole new trilogy, was left out of everything from Star Wars Monopoly to action-figure sets. Stores were legitimately running out of Rey merch, and a hashtag campaign #WheresRey was started to highlight the character’s utterly strange absence from marketing.

It seems that whether they’re actually secondary characters or not, women are still considered secondary.

(Via io9; image: Universal Pictures)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Ruth Carter, the costume designer for Marvel’s Black Panther, recently spoke to Racked about the real-life inspirations behind the amazing clothes in the film. As Carter says in the video, “Most people think [Africa]’s just one big thing. If you’re in East Africa, West Africa, South Africa, North Africa, they’re all very different.” Accordingly, she pulled references from all over the continent to create the looks in Black Panther. Some characters, like Lupita Nyong’o’s Nakia, were inspired directly by one people’s traditions. Other characters, like the pan-Wakandan Dora Milaje, had costumes which drew elements from a variety of cultures: the Turkana, the Himba, the Maasai, and the Ndebele.

• Aaaand more Black Panther news! Marvel has released T’Challa’s royal family tree.
• Sasha “Scarlett” Hostyn is the first female StarCraft II player to make the Global StarCraft League round-of-eight quarterfinals. (via Compete)
• Film School Rejects has a super-fascinating essay about aspect ratio in the Jurassic Park franchises, and how it affects the feel of the films. The side-by-side comparison shots are really illuminating.
• Some kids want to be superheroes when they grow up. Some kids want to be Thanos. For the latter, there’s this wearable Infinity Gauntlet. (via Nerdist)
  

  Just Released and Sold Out Already! Marvel Legends Infinity Gauntlet #infinitywar #thanos #marvellegends #infinitygauntlet

  A post shared by 219 Collectibles (@219collectibles) on Feb 9, 2018 at 10:44pm PST

What did you see out there, TMSers?

(Featured image: screengrab)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Look, it’s been a real garbage fire of a week. In times like these, when the world feels like it’s spinning off its axis, it gets hard to find something that will put a smile on your face. Enter this tweet:

This just made my year.

JURASSIC PARK, but everyone including the dinosaurs is wearing high heels. (source Imgur) pic.twitter.com/XeuhJBftVj

— TODD SPENCE (@Todd_Spence) June 29, 2018

I have watched this at least 10 times now, and it hasn’t stopped being funny. Dr. Ian Malcolm in thigh-high red leather boots? Brilliant. A T-Rex in polka-dot pumps? Yes please. We tip our hats to whoever made this, because it’s a goddamn delight.

(image: Universal Pictures)

• Looks like a certain someone survives the Snap. Kevin Feige confirms that Dr. Strange 2 is in the MCU pipeline. (via Comic Book Resources)
• Pixar is releasing Purl, a new animated short about a sentient ball of yarn that will probably make you cry. 10/10 will watch. (via Slashfilm)
• The first teaser for Matt Groenig’s new Netflix series Disenchantment has dropped, starring Broad City‘s Abbi Jacobsen. (via YouTube)
• Jordan Peele is producing a new comedy/sci-fi anthology series for YouTube called Weird City. (via Jezebel)
• Rian Johnson’s standalone Star Wars trilogy is happening … but we’ll have to wait until 2020 to check it out. (via Slashfilm)

It’s been a helluva week Mary Suevians, here’s to a much needed weekend.

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“It’s a veggiesaurus, Lex!”

Much like her young character in Jurassic Park, Ariana Richards is also a vegetarian, though she hasn’t met a Brontosaurus (oops, we meet Brachiosaurus) in a while. To celebrate Jurassic Park‘s 25th anniversary and the film’s return to select theaters in September, we spoke with Ariana about life, the universe, dinosaurs, and of course, Jeff Goldblum.

Ariana Richards is one of those people who you want to talk to for hours. Known for her role as Lex in Jurassic Park, the actor and artist is living an exciting life with her husband and child in Uruguay. But she never forgot the joy that came with playing Lex Murphy in the iconic Steven Spielberg film when she was just 12 years old.

Recently, Ariana won an NCWIT award for her portrayal as Lex in the franchise, helping to encourage young girls to get into computer programming through her work. This brought up a good point about the Jurassic Park movie versus the Michael Crichton novels. Ariana’s Lex was rather revolutionary in her day, and she upended the book’s characterization.

“My character is so different in the book,” Ariana pointed out. “Lex is the young annoying brat and the brother is older and so much more interesting. So I was really happy that I got the chance to have the roles reversed and had a character that had some pretty surprising skills that got revealed during the plot.”

We asked Ariana about her ongoing work as a visual artist. While she paints things that inspire her (landscapes and images from her life), a lot of her work is based on commissions from other people.

She told us about one of the more unusual commissions that she received (that she still painted of course). “One of the pieces I did was a nude of a woman, who wanted me to paint a surprise for her husband at his home office, and she had a tattoo of his name on her bum.” She explained that she loved to paint nudes because of her appreciation for the female body—but that tattoo on the butt definitely stood out in her memory.

Ariana’s artwork is absolutely incredible, so there’s no shock that people want to commission Ariana for her work. You can see more of Ariana’s paintings on her website.

And, of course, we couldn’t go without asking her about her working with Jeff Goldblum, the Internet’s reigning zaddy. We mentioned how it seems as though we’re all suddenly obsessed with Jeff Goldblum, and we wanted to know if it was an unexpected thing for Ariana, since she was just a kid when she worked with him.

“It’s funny because being a kid filming with him I guess I had that perspective, just having fun, hanging out with him. He was always joking around with Joey [Mazzello] and me. But yeah, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve seen the incredible popularity.”

When we asked Ariana if she would go back to acting in the Jurassic films, her answer was delightful and everything we hoped to hear. “Oh absolutely! If they invited me back in, I’d be super excited.”

Let’s hope the Jurassic franchise brings back Lex and Timmy, because it’d be incredible to see Ariana in the movies once more. We bet that Lex is doing great things in that fictional world—and she definitely has the dinosaur expertise to help when those problems arise.

If you want to relive the Brachiosaurus meeting with Ariana Richards, and gaze upon that early Jeff Goldblum glory on the big screen, Jurassic Park is on its way back to select theaters for three days in September 2018. You can buy tickets here.

(photo by David Livingston/Getty Images, Universal)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Did Billy McFarland get his idea for a cool summer getaway from Jurassic Park? Nerdist made a video centering around the Fye Festival feel but brought to life the idea that John Hammond is, very much, the Billy McFarland of Isla Nublar—a man who believed that he was above something, bigger than what everyone was telling him, and when it backfired, he just tried to run?

Am I talking about McFarland or Hammond? Honestly, who can tell? Maybe somewhere in McFarland’s twisted mind, he saw himself as John Hammond, not realizing that that is definitely not the man to want to be like in Jurassic Park. It isn’t that either of them had bad intentions (or at least, Hammond didn’t have bad intentions), but both men wanted to make money at any cost—ripping people off, charging too much, promising things they couldn’t deliver? It’s eerie how similar both McFarland and Hammond really are.

Either way, Nerdist saw the likeness between the two men and gave us the greatest trailer for a fake documentary that we need in our lives like … yesterday.

As someone who watched both of the Fyre Festival documentaries, one thing is very true about Billy McFarland: He didn’t care how many people told him it wasn’t going to work. He pretended like everything was going to be fine and hurt a lot of people. When you breakdown Jurassic Park, that’s exactly what John Hammond does to Ian Malcolm and, eventually, Alan Grant when they tell him that this park is a terrible idea.

What is it about white men with an idea that makes them think that people telling them something won’t work is information they can ignore?

Let us all thank the high heavens that McFarland didn’t have the resources to make dinosaurs, or we’d have Jeff Goldblum telling us all that this is what happens when men try to play God.

(image: Universal Pictures)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

My crops are watered, my soul revived, I am rising because it seems as if we’re going to get a Jurassic World 3 with Alan Grant, Ellie Sattler, and Ian Malcolm. Fans of the original Jurassic Park trilogy can rejoice because, for the first time since the original film, we’re seeing Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum onscreen together!

At a fan screening for Battle at Big Rock, Dern revealed that she’d be returning for the Colin Trevorrow-directed film, along with Sam Neill and the already returned Jeff Goldblum. The trio became fan favorites through their characters in the original Jurassic Park. With Laura Dern bringing Ellie Sattler to our life and giving us a brilliant woman to look up to, there was so much about that first movie that we all cling to. So, the trio coming back, bringing their characters to life and reminding us of why we love these dinosaurs movies again? It’s going to be something special.

Personally, I’m so excited because Jurassic Park is one of those movies that you can return to time and time again and still find joy in it. Sure, the rest of the original trilogy gets a bad name (your mistake because The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park III have their brilliant moments) but there is something about Alan Grant, Ellie Sattler, and Ian Malcolm coming back that brings me such a sense of relief that I can’t quite explain it.

For instance, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is a movie that exists, but I personally cannot tell you about any plot point that doesn’t involve Blue, the raptor, or Ian Malcolm. Other than those two, that movie is a blur of “what in the world is going on right now?” and that’s fine by me.

And as we know, women inherit the earth. Still, there is a brilliant aura about this trio that we’ve been missing since Jurassic Park. Yes, it’s wonderful to see these characters separate from one another, but the three together? There’s nothing like it, and we haven’t seen them take on prehistoric creatures together since they first went to see this park that John Hammond created.

All that being said, this is going to be me when Alan Grant shows back up on the screen:

While the original trio would be delightful to see together, I’d also love if Kelly Malcolm (Vanessa Lee Chester) came back, with her gymnastic skills, to kick a raptor in the face.

There’s also Lex and Timmy, and it’d be nice if they came back to the legacy that their grandfather started, to try to fix this new world they must live in where dinosaurs and humans live together as one. (Thanks, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom!)

Emily Carmichael has written the screenplay with Trevorrow, and it is certainly going to be interesting to see how they plan on taking back the world from the dinosaurs that now roam free. Ian Malcolm warned them throughout Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, and now, they’re bringing back Grant and Sattler? Things must be getting serious.

We don’t know when the film is going to be released yet, but all I know is that I’m going to sit in a theater and cry over Ellie, Alan, and Ian together again.

(via Deadline, image: Universal Pictures)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

There is nothing that delights me in the way a dinosaur movie does. Specifically the Jurassic Park franchise, but also just anything to do with dinosaurs really. So I have been anxiously waiting for more Jurassic World: Dominion news because it’s bringing back Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern), Alan Grant (Sam Neill), and Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum). After the ending of Fallen Kingdom, the world is completely different and so that means we’re probably going to see dinosaurs in totally different locales.

But dinosaurs … IN SNOW? Colin Trevorrow shared a behind the scenes look at Jurassic World: Dominion for the professionals’ challenge and honestly, I have a lot of questions. Like can dinosaurs live in the snow? Do they just like still walk around or play in it?

To all professionals in the film, television, entertainment and arts world, join the challenge to post a photo of you in your job. Just a picture, no description. The goal is to flood social media with our profession. Copy this text and post a pic. pic.twitter.com/opWF9zOt9T

— Colin Trevorrow (@colintrevorrow) April 19, 2020

In the picture is Isabella Sermon as Maisie Lockwood, who made her first appearance in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom and now is reportedly with Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) and Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) after the fall of her powerful family during the film. But what’s interesting about the picture is that they’re clearly in a snowy locale and, as we know from the end of Fallen Kingdom, the dinosaurs are just out and about in the world once again.

Thus far, the Jurassic World movies haven’t fallen into the trap that the original trilogy had which was continuing to return to the island. As much as I love The Lost World: Jurassic Park, it was about escaping until … well, the T-Rex was running around San Diego.

With Jurassic World, it’s been about the understanding of what this dino-world was and how it was an unnatural idea in the first place. Those who were directly involved (i.e. Owen and Claire) are trying to stop the evil of the human world from bringing dinosaurs back full time … or at least they tried. I keep thinking about Fallen Kingdom and how people thought buying dinosaurs would be a smart thing but then again, they did make an amusement park with them even after everything went badly with John Hammond’s original idea.

It’s going to be an interesting change of pace because we’ve only really seen the majority of these movies set on the islands (obviously excluding San Diego and most of Fallen Kingdom) but can’t wait to see where the world is now that we’re living among dinosaurs. Finally, my time to live in a Land Before Time movie is here … or well in a movie … you get what I’m trying to say.

(image: Universal Pictures)

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 —The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

When Jurassic Park first came out, many took the ideas present in Michael Crichton’s novel and saw both sides of the debate. Yes, man meddling in science they shouldn’t wasn’t a good idea, and the result was creating dinosaurs they had no idea how to manage. The other side of that was … living dinosaurs were real.

Every few months, it seems, someone finds that tweet from 2015 from The Entrepreneur that says within the next 5 years, dinosaurs can be brought back to life.

10/10 would go to Jurassic Park https://t.co/0TsjonIqwb

— BD (@BrandonDavisBD) June 16, 2020

Not only that, but none other than paleontologist Dr. Jack Horner, the real-life inspiration for Jurassic Park’s Dr. Grant, was the person who made the claim in question to People magazine, detailing how ideas for bringing dinosaurs back have shifted from using ancient DNA to … essentially reverse engineering them from birds. He reportedly said that a version of what he calls a “chickenosaurus” could be accomplished within five (to ten) years, but come on. It’s already been millions. We want our dinosaurs now.

It’s 2020 (effectively 5 years after 2015, when the original article was published), and I still see no dinosaurs. So where are they? With the way 2020 is heading, I don’t care about the themes and warnings that Jurassic Park left us with. I want to go out of this world seeing a dinosaur and living my best life, so get to it, science! It’s time for the T-Rex to save us all.

Actual footage of me heading to see some dinosaurs before they, inevitably, eat me:

The key phrasing in that 2015 tweet is that scientists think they’ll be able to recreate dinosaurs—not that they actually should or would. As someone who loved to quote tweet that throughout the years and yell about the cautionary tale that Jurassic Park was and continues to be, I am now changing my tune—mainly because 2020 is most definitely the end times, and if I’m going out, I’m going out in style and with dinosaurs.

Look, one thing I never understood about Jurassic Park was the need to recreate carnivores in the first place. Like yes, looking at a T-Rex would be cool, but you can just give me Little Foot from The Land Before Time and I’d be okay with it. T-Rex can remain bones.

But I guess, no matter how careful you are, as Dr. Ian Malcolm points out in the movie …

Anyway, all of this to say that I’ve decided I would go to Jurassic Park if it were real because who cares anymore? 2020 has made it so all bets are off, and if Trump supporters can defy logic and science and go to a rally, then I should be able to go see some dinosaurs and hopefully not die. And if I do, well, at least I die among my people.

Honestly, just make Jurassic Park a real place I can go to. I’d gladly die getting to see a velociraptor in the flesh, even if they are a lot smaller than they were in the Jurassic Park movies.

(images: Universal)

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 —The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Every Fourth of July, I watch Jurassic Park. It’s become my personal film to celebrate this country (don’t ask). So, I am shocked, happy, and excited about Jurassic World: Dominion, because it means the return of Dr. Alan Grant, Dr. Ellie Sattler, and Dr. Ian Maclolm. But, somewhere in the back of my mind, my fear of their roles being moment like Jeff Goldblum’s in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom hasn’t left my mind.

In that movie, Malcolm talks to a panel about the dangers of these dinosaurs and his time at the original park on Isla Nublar. (In The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Malcolm would go back to save Dr. Sarah Harding and then save San Diego from a T-Rex, but let’s not get into that right now.)

So, my fear with Laura Dern, Sam Neill, and Jeff Goldblum returning for Jurassic World: Dominion has been that they’re just going to be a brief cameo (much like Dern was in Jurassic Park III). I’ve waited (truthfully) since 1993 to see the three together again, and not just in separate movies. So, Dominion bringing all three together would have been exciting even if it were just a cameo.

But luckily for me, that doesn’t seem to be the case. In an interview with Yahoo Movies UK, Sam Neill has revealed that they’re going to be more than just “cameos” in the latest film.

“We’re all the way through the film, Jeff, and me, and Laura,” Neill said, joking that he “probably won’t be running quite as fast as I was 27 years ago!” but I’m more interested in the fact that they’re going to be in the whole movie. Granted, I know that doesn’t mean they’re going to be featured as heavily as the original, but still, having Grant, Sattler, and Malcolm back onscreen together is … almost enough for me.

Neill also revealed that everyone is staying together while shooting during the pandemic, saying, “We’re all going to be living in the same joint for three or four months, so that’s going to be fun. And everybody loves Chris and Bryce as well, so I think we’ll be a very happy bunch.”

I would like to thank the powers that be for this movie that is, maybe, specifically for me, because not only is the original group coming back, but there have also been rumors that Joe Mazzello could come back as Timmy (even though Mazzello said that no one has asked him back), and if we get the entire crew together once more with Jake Johnson returning as Lowrey, I’ll be a happy camper. All I need is Ty Simpkins (a.k.a. Harley Keener in Iron Man 3 and Gray in Jurassic World) to come back as well, and then I really will think someone is making Jurassic World: Dominion for me and me alone.

So, whatever Jurassic World: Dominion ends up being, I’ll be okay with it, because I love me some dinosaurs, and anything with Dr. Alan Grant, Dr. Ellie Sattler, and Dr. Ian Malcolm is a movie for me.

(image: Universal)

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 —The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

We have few enough sources of hilarity these days, which is one reason why the new Twitter account Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) has caught on like wildfire in the dinosaur-infested underbrush. The account, which has about 230 tweets at the time of writing, has racked up more than 130,000 followers with its tongue-in-cheek “updates” from the staff of the world’s worst idea for a theme park.

Per its bio, the parody account is run by 12 people—writers, comedians, writers who are also comedians, comedians who are also writers, and so on and so forth. As such it’s impossible to tell who is responsible for each tweet, so let’s assume they’re emerging fully formed from this hivemind collective. “Updates” writer PJ Evans also created the hilarious @Disneyland2go account, which posts irreverent, often bitingly sarcastic “insider” tweets about the Disney park.

This is the kind of criticism Disney deserves right now:

everything is looking good for our reopening except for the ongoing pandemic

— Disneyland (@Disneyland2go) July 8, 2020

But we’re here for Jurassic Park, which is a good deal more fun than the actual horrors happening as Disney reopens despite record-breaking numbers of COVID-19 cases. Shall we visit that faraway island?

but yeah like eighteen to nineteen dinosaurs are currently loose

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 13, 2020

There are so many great tweets in this account’s early days that it’s hard to feature only a few, but here are some favorites:

make sure to grab a poncho when you arrive in case someone in your group is ripped open

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 11, 2020

We are cleaning out our lost and found bin. Does this tee shirt belong to you? Claim it at our visitor center pic.twitter.com/BGkFxFQ0HE

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 11, 2020

the brontosaurus rides have been a big hit but everyone who has tried to slide down their backs and tail like fred flintstone when he gets off work has gotten severely injured so please don’t try

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 11, 2020

accidentally made an oval-shaped dinosaur with no limbs or eyes

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 10, 2020

We have decided to cancel today’s dinosaur talent show after every single dinosaur wrote down “unthinkable chaos” as their talent

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 10, 2020

the triceratops got killed so we have a temporary st. bernard

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 10, 2020

raft and dinosaur washed up on the other side of the island

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 9, 2020

Hi thid is velocrsptpr. I lenaring ti tipe Nd spell

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 9, 2020

If you are being eaten, please do not scream. You could potentially be spreading covid-19. Keeping visitors safe is our number 1 priority

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 9, 2020

the little dinosaur with the william shakespeare collar that spits poison just spit on me which im so grossed out about. i hate spit

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 8, 2020

we gave meat to the herbivores. just to sort of see if they were lying

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 8, 2020

we have developed a velociraptor that smokes cigarettes

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 7, 2020

many guests are asking if dinosaurs are “different from dragons”. we hear you and we are looking into it

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) July 6, 2020

Give @JurassicPark2go a follow for even more dino vs. guest shenanigans and be sure to check out the team behind the T. rex:

@pjayevans, @NotJosephGarcia, @rajat_suresh, @Colinoscopy, @totallymorgan, @julieabridged, @astonoha, @quakerraina, @carmchristopher, @jayweingarten, @dlicj, and @sarahsquirm

(images: Universal Studios)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

We’re well aware of the fact that Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, and Sam Neill are all headed back to the world of dinosaurs, whether their characters like it or not—especially when it comes to Ellie Sattler and Alan Grant, two characters who weren’t exactly keen on showing back up on the islands in the original trilogy.

But, for all three … welcome back to … JURASSIC PARK. As we’re gearing up for the original three to return to the franchise in Jurassic World: Dominion, it seems as if Sam Neill is ready to give us a brief look into Dr. Alan Grant’s appearance in the upcoming sequel.

Hello old friend. #JurassicWorld #JurassicPark ⁦@LauraDern⁩ #JeffGoldblum ⁦@BryceDHoward⁩ ⁦@prattprattpratt⁩ ⁦@amblin⁩ ⁦@colintrevorrow⁩ pic.twitter.com/UQbctvqjdx

— Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) August 4, 2020

This is the first picture that I’ve seen of any of the three back on set. Filming in London was shut down due to COVID-19 concerns and is just now returning. The crew went back to set under intense coronavirus precautions. Jeff Goldblum also opened up previously about going back to set and how he felt safe about doing so in London:

We’re headed, in about a week and a half, all of us, over to England, where there are protocols galore. We’re going to be very safe, I think. And we’re going to shoot Jurassic World… They gave us 109 pages. They invested all their heart and soul, and a lot of money, into making sure that we’re safe. I won’t bore you with the details, but we’re all going to be quarantined in a kind of a bubble, all the crew and all the cast. And testing and everything… We know it’s a risky time, but we feel it’s good. Sam Neill’s there and Laura Dern and Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard; Colin Trevorrow’s directing, and there are gonna be some dinosaurs.

As someone who loves the Jurassic Park franchise, it’s going to be interesting to see how they involve Grant. With Jurassic Park III, he made it clear in the beginning that he didn’t want anything to do with the dinosaurs that existed on the second island and that his exploration of them would continue through his fossil work.

But now, with dinosaurs roaming the world of man free from their imprisonment on either island, Grant is probably going to have to come in contact with the world that John Hammond made in a new and exciting way. Plus … the fact that Alan Grant just keeps wearing that same hat all these years later just delights me to no end! Has he changed much? I’m hoping not, but getting to see Dr. Ian Malcolm, Dr. Ellie Sattler, and Dr. Alan Grant all back in action is going to bring some hope back to my life.

(image: Universal Pictures)

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 —The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Few things bring me joy the way the Jurassic Park franchise does. Every Fourth of July, I watch as many of the Jurassic movies as possible because, at this point in my life, I want nothing more than to go to a park filled with dinos. If I’m going to die, at least it should be at the hands of a T-Rex.

But what 2020 is gifting me is the return of some of my favorite characters to the world of dinos. In Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, we saw a brief return by Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum). He warned the world of man what bringing the dinosaurs here would mean, and in the end, he knew that they would reign supreme because it was man who brought the extinct back to life.

Now, with Dominion, we’re getting Ellie Sattler, Alan Grant, and Ian all back together. Sam Neill and Laura Dern are joining Jeff Goldblum back in the Jurassic franchise, and what has it given us thus far? Sam Neill teasing us with looks at his Dr. Alan Grant costume, and now with jazzy classic from him and Jeff Goldblum. Wow, 2020 is looking up.

Starting with a song titled “I Remember You,” Sam Neill and Jeff Goldblum perform duet about remembering each other, since they’re back together for Dominion.

I Remember You #JeffGoldblum pic.twitter.com/gFAv6LGFH3

— Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) September 7, 2020

“It’s a long, long while from May to December,” they both sing in a second video, and while I love them both, they clearly haven’t been living in the hellscape of 2020, where March–September has somehow passed by in a blur.

Another #JamWithJeff . Hers the thing- #JeffGoldblum flatly refuses to rehearse. So every time is the first time. pic.twitter.com/I0iFmHCpUo

— Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) September 7, 2020

Maybe these videos are just fun because both Sam Neill and Jeff Goldblum bring me joy? Or maybe it’s my subconscious knowledge that this reunion means that Dr. Alan Grant and Dr. Ian Malcolm await me when Jurassic World: Dominion finally comes out, but whatever it is, I’m just happy and hope that we continue to get lovely content like this while filming resumes.

I know I’m not the only human in the world who loves Jurassic Park, and I’m happy for those others out there who are delighted by John Hammond’s dinosaurs, and I can’t wait until we are back with our favorites as they deal with dinosaurs literally just … walking around everywhere.

I’m basically Jake Johnson from Jurassic World when it comes to these movies.

Is #JamWithJeff going to become a thing? I sure hope so. All I request is that Sam Neill and Jeff Goldblum get Laura Dern in on one of these sessions so I can proudly ascend into a higher plane of being, because Dr. Alan Grant, Dr. Ellie Sattler, and Dr. Ian Malcolm will have finally been reunited.

(image: Universal Pictures)

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 —The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

You know the little bit of excitement we could all still have in our lives, despite how bad everything has been for the past few years, based on what movies were coming out? Well, 2020 took that all away from us. And now, it has forced my happy place (the Jurassic World franchise) away from me, because Jurassic World: Dominion is not coming out until 2022. I’m supposed to just SIT AROUND AND WAIT UNTIL THEN?

The below gif encapsulates my feeling on this situation:

It’s me. I’m Jimmy Buffet taking my margaritas and running away from this nonsense, since I have to wait until 2022 to see DINOS.

The move to 2022 isn’t that surprising. Originally, the movie was set for June 2021, but with everything from 2020 moving to the following year, it makes for a backlog of movies coming out. So yeah, because of America’s inability to wear masks and stop the spread of the coronavirus, I now have to wait until I’m 30 YEARS OLD for more dinosaurs, and I feel like that’s an attack on me personally.

Laura Dern posted the poster for Jurassic World: Dominion on her Twitter account with the new date, and I guess that was a nice way to find out that I’d have to wait nearly two years for more dinosaurs. Please pass bad news through Laura Dern’s Twitter account. It’s how I want to take in all bad things from now on.

Get ready… pic.twitter.com/mlvFxQ22bz

— Laura Dern (@LauraDern) October 6, 2020

But, then again, scientists are extracting DNA from insects stuck in tree resin in the real world, so like … maybe I won’t have to wait for a movie about dinosaurs and, instead, I can just go to an actual Jurassic Park and let the T-Rex eat me at this point.

I know I’m not the only Jurassic Park fan in the world so hopefully everyone else who is upset about this can come to my support group meeting, since we have to wait for the next twenty years (in 2020 time) to finally see Laura Dern, Sam Neill, and Jeff Goldblum back on screen together.

Sadly, it isn’t surprising. With the way Hollywood couldn’t figure out a movie schedule for this year and now running into next year because of movie theaters closing, it was only a matter of time, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. They could have just pushed Jurassic World: Dominion until later in the summer so I didn’t have to wait AN ENTIRE YEAR LONGER to watch it.

I’m mad now, and I’ll be mad until my butt is sitting in a movie theater waiting to see Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum take on dinos (with Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard), but whatever. I guess I’ll just wait until I’m 75 years old and roll up to the movies to see this. (Yes, I’m being dramatic, but I just want more dinos, damn it.)

(image: Universal Pictures)

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 —The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Will tech billionaires kill us all and destroy the planet? If their tweets are anything to go by, the answer is an exhausted, “ugh I GUESS.” This week’s most baffling statement comes from Max Hodak, the co-founder of Elon Musk’s company Neuralink. Hodak tweeted, “We could probably build Jurassic Park if we wanted to. Wouldn’t be genetically authentic dinosaurs but [shrugging emoji]. Maybe 15 years of breeding + engineering to get super exotic novel species.”

we could probably build jurassic park if we wanted to. wouldn’t be genetically authentic dinosaurs but 🤷‍♂️. maybe 15 years of breeding + engineering to get super exotic novel species

— Max Hodak (@max_hodak) April 4, 2021

Oh good, we can FINALLY have the Jurassic Park of our dreams, with zero downsides! Except we all know that when you play God, the clown comes back to bite (that’s the saying, right?). Science fiction is filled with cautionary tales of scientists messing with powers beyond their control to disastrous results. But does that stop people from messing with nature? Apparently not.

We are also looking for Tony (pictured above)

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) April 5, 2021

Granted, we should probably take Hodak’s tweet with a grain of salt. He’s previously tweeted about neural implants for next level gaming and a new religion inspired by taking hallucinogens.

You go to one Burning Man and all of a sudden you’re Martin Luther, nailing your 95 theses to the door of the Orgy Dome.

But back to dinosaurs: Hodak tweeted a follow-up to explain his reasoning, writing “Biodiversity (antifragility) is definitely valuable; conservation is important and makes sense. But why do we stop there? Why don’t we more intentionally try to generate novel diversity?”

Biodiversity (antifragility) is definitely valuable; conservation is important and makes sense. But why do we stop there? Why don’t we more intentionally try to generate novel diversity?

— Max Hodak (@max_hodak) April 4, 2021

Of course, biodiversity and conservation are important. But we can’t keep making genetic do-overs of extinct animals without accounting for the environmental and biological factors that led to their extinction in the first place. Would these resurrected creatures still survive in a vastly changed ecosystem? And how quickly would they fall into the capitalist churn of relentless profiteering?

Also, let’s not forget the lesson we’ve learned from every Jurassic Park film: if you make dinosaurs, you’ll probably end up as dinosaur food. Although if Elon Musk is involved, maybe we’ll see a velociraptor shot into space behind the wheel of a Tesla.

OSHA is doing a walkthrough tomorrow. please do not get eaten

— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) March 28, 2021

Look, as much as I would love to hug a Triceratops, I know that resurrecting dinosaurs is a bad idea. Besides, why do that when we can build an immersive theme park set in the Wild West, staffed entirely by robots we can kill, torture, or have sex with? I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

(Universal Pictures)

(via The Hill, featured image: Universal Pictures)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Jurassic Park is a perfect movie. There is no fighting that point. It mastered the art of fear, adventure, and the horrors of men having too much power in a beautifully exciting way. It also helps that the movie stars Laura Dern, Sam Neill, Jeff Goldblum, Samuel L. Jackson, and plenty of dinosaurs to keep us entertained and also terrified.

First released on June 11, 1993, today marks Jurassic Park’s 28th birthday, and what’s interesting about it is that it is still a classic and a movie that terrifies first-time watchers. Even watching it many years after the fact with a then-five-year-old family member and seeing her reaction to this movie I’ve known and loved for so long, watching her scream as the raptors were coming from Tim and Lex, was exciting because I knew what was happening, but she didn’t know how Tim and Lex would escape, and when the T-Rex saves them all, she suddenly was fine with everything that had terrified her previously.

Seeing that reaction and remembering my own fear and love of the Jurassic Park movies is frankly what makes that first movie so special. Sure, it is a perfect movie. I already said as much, but everyone having that collective reaction to Steven Spielberg’s masterpieces? It’s beautiful.

Jurassic Park was based on the book of the same name by Michael Crichton. Exploring man tampering with science and trying to play god, it’s a look at how far humanity is willing to go to prove they’re the “smartest” beings out there—in this case, recreating dinosaurs centuries later just because we have the science. Throughout the movie, Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill), Dr. Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern), and Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) are confronted with the beings they have dedicated their life to studying.

And while they’re amazed by the science, fascinated by the fact that they get to see dinosaurs alive and well in the world of man, all three are also concerned with man playing god. “God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates Man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs,” Ian Malcolm says, to which Ellie responds, “Dinosaurs eat man … Woman inherits the Earth.”

Not only is the movie a cautionary tale to men and their interfering with the universe at large because life … uh … finds a way, but the deeper look into its characters and their fear within is amazing—not to mention that the movie inspired women of all ages to take up science thanks to Ellie Sattler or got into programming because of Lex (Ariana Richards). It looked at Alan Grant’s fear of having kids and being a bad father but thrust him into this situation with Lex and Tim (Joe Mazzello). John Hammond thinks he’s just giving the world something we have always been obsessed with, despite the fact that he sees what this “creations” are doing to those in the park.

While the rest of the series does have a bit of a messy storyline, this first movie was perfection and still remains a classic. Will we ever be able to watch the scene when Alan Grant sees the brachiosaurus for the first time and the Jurassic Park theme starts to play and not cry?

So happy birthday, Jurassic Park. They broke the mold when Steven Spielberg made you, and maybe you made me want to see dinosaurs even if I knew the point of the movie was that we shouldn’t mess with science. But you just made those raptors so cool! I love you, Jurassic Park.

(image: Universal Pictures)

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As I continued to traverse through this thing called life something occurred to me: I never learned how to play chess. Luckily, the folks over at The Noble Collection happened to have the perfect chess set for me.

Jurassic Park.

via GIPHY

The Noble Collection is full of chess sets and collectibles from a number of different franchises—some of which will make you feel like you need to put them in a fancy sitting room where classical music plays in the background. The Jurassic Park set, however, is a lot of fun, with dinosaur-themed pieces that create an urge to roar with every move.

Yes, I did roar at least once while playing.

Here’s a description of the set:

Travel to Jurassic Park where dinosaurs dominate this chess match. Complete with 32 finely sculpted game pieces and full graphic chess board, this chess set will transport you right  into the island where dinosaurs roam the earth! Will you come out on top as you battle your opponent among these predators?

This is probably the safest way to explore the park, that’s for sure. Also, if I’m gonna play Jurassic Park chess, imma be a dinosaur.

What I like about the pieces is that each of the dinosaurs is in a dynamic pose as if they really are getting ready for a fight. The Dilophosaurs, for example, is in its iconic “screeching at Nedry” pose. I’m gonna be honest. I definitely roared more than once while playing this.

The game itself does not come with instructions on how to actually play chess (bless my patient wife for talking me through it), but each dinosaur is labeled to let you know which chess piece it represents. As the description of the game says, the pieces are nicely detailed, looking like a miniature replica of the dinosaurs from the series.

The king is the Tyrannosaurus Rex, as to be expected because, I mean, it’s the T-Rex, the dinosaur that scared the shit out of us when we saw Jurassic Park as children (or maybe you thought the T-Rex was cool, I can’t tell you how to live your life).

via GIPHY

The Queen is the Spinosaurus, which may come as a bit of a surprise due to that fight against the T-Rex in Jurassic Park 3 (spoiler: the T-Rex lost that fight), but hey, maybe they’ve settled their differences after all these years. Mario and Bowser do it all the time.

The bishops are Dilophosaurs, you know, the one you shouldn’t taunt, like, ever:

via GIPHY

The knights are Velociraptors (seems legit), the rooks are Brachiosaurs (the Welcome to Jurassic Park we promise murder won’t happen here dinosaur) and the pawns are Pteranodons (one of these is a bad time, a swarm of them is a disaster).

While I know they’re for a chess set, the pieces look like something a Jurassic Park enthusiast would add to a dinosaur-themed collection. It feels like a collection I’d actually play with instead of feeling like something I shouldn’t put my hands on.

If you’re curious, I lost the chess match against my wife, but I did at least tell her I want to keep playing until I don’t have to look up which piece does what anymore. What can I say, I had a good time strategizing with a Velociraptor.

You can get your own set right over here (grassy background to make it look like you’re playing in the middle of the jungle sold separately).

(Image: Universal Pictures/The Noble Collection)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Didn’t expect to start my morning crying about Dr. Alan Grant and Dr. Ellie Sattler, and yet, here we are. The trailer for Jurassic World: Dominion dropped, and I know I felt like a kid again, excited about the dinosaur movie. But it wasn’t just because Chris Pratt did the hand thing to calm down dinosaurs, or because Blue seems to be back trying to find Owen.

No, this excitement came from the fact that Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum all returned to the world of dinosaurs and are reunited in our first look at the return of Alan Grant and Ellie Sattler. When Goldblum returned as Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, many fans wanted to see the three reunited on screen. Luckily, we get a glimpse of their dynamic in the official trailer.

Jurassic Park has become something that is a comfort to fans around the world. It’s a movie we share with younger generations and something that has culminated in what is now the sixth installment of the franchise with Jurassic World: Dominion.

In a new featurette for the final film in the Jurassic World trilogy, we get to see not only what this franchise means to fans, but what the original cast has to say about filming the first film with Steven Spielberg and what they thought going into it.